“Good morning officer”
“Good morning. Driving license please, vehicle identification”
(rummages in glovebox)
“Here you are”
(takes a look at the papers)
“Sir, it took us a while to catch up with you, why were you speeding?”
“Well officer, I was praying!”
“Praying?”
“Yes sir! Have you not heard of the Church of Speed?”
“No”
“But you are god-fearing, officer?”
“That’s irrelevant now. What is this Church of Speed?”
“Well it’s a new religion. You know how God = light?”
“Uhm, maybe?”
“Well, you know, halos, and all this light that people saw who were about to die and then God decided it wasn’t their time yet and sent them back?”
“Right”
“So, having established that God = light.. think about it. What is light? Its waves man.. I mean, officer. Light is waves officer, and they never stand still, the light is always going somewhere. And light travels at what speed?”
“Uhhmmm..”
“Well at the speed of light!”
“Oh yes, and?”
“So, if we establish that God=light, and travels at the speed of light. How do you reckon we come closer to God?”
“Enlighten me”
“Well, by travelling as close to the speed of light as possible! And the only way the common man, who is not an astronaut or a pilot of some sort, can achieve this, is by driving as fast as he can, as close as possible to the speed of light.”
“Well it’s still not legal. Can you not pray on a race track?””
“That’s where the church of speed comes in.”
“How so?”
“Thanks to the constitutionally anchored freedom of religion, it gives us a religious framework to elevate things that are normally considered immoral and wrong into something divine and spiritual. Have a nice day, officer!”